8/31/2008

Impotent, Corrupt and Puritanical!

Hello,
I must admit I am somewhat snobbish about my fellow Glaswegians. The best of them are marvellous sorts with a fine line in pub banter but awfully puritanical about sex. The worst are puritanical about everything except violence.

For a creature as self indulgent as I am, one can either be painfully suppressed or divvy the world up into little sub sections each with it's own rules. The wrong thing is fine by me in the right place. Hence why I am amused but riled at the police breaking up a big gay orgy in The Arches.

To give you all some background I strutted into a student union at fifteen, plonked my arse down glanced to my right only to see a couple of weighty goths going at it doggy style in the corner. Since then clubbing has been a terrible disappointment to me. The furtive drug use and omnipresent 'bouncers' enforcing absurd licencing laws have conspired to produce little more than chemically enhanced school discos without the fabulous uninhibited dancing. I rather fancy impromptu orgies in nightclubs. Let's face it it's nothing we don't do behind the chippy afterwards.

For me the whole public shagging thing is a question of appropriateness. Shagging by the 'pick n' mix' in woolies is wrong, shagging in a nightclub on a men only gay night for over twenty fives is harmless sport and arguably a rational response to the promise of sex used in the marketing of the evening. Rather that than a hullabaloo on the nightbus or worse the hijacking of the public lavs.

I am led to understand the folk on the Glasgow City Council licensing board have no moral qualms about accepting bribes but are most upset by shagging between consenting adults on licensed premises. Presumably because the thought of folk enjoying themselves doing something untaxable represents obscenity to them. Perhaps if a a few 'public rumpo outreach officers' positions could be created for Labour cronies they might leave the orgy in peace. I suppose we should be grateful women weren't involved otherwise Jim Coleman would have spunked our council tax cash on another report from his pet Carrie Nation wannabe Bindel.

Never mind that we are Europe's most violent city, never mind that a substantial percentage of our population is too frightened to go out after dark, never mind the appalling rates of illiteracy, never mind the gang culture. As long as our licensed premises remain smoke free, sex free and joy free we'll look like we're effective. All I ask for is an environment folk can run wild in without startling the horses. That shouldn't be beyond the reach of even an uncivilised city run by Labour halfwits.


Cheerio

5 comments:

iLL Man said...

Big Davie the barman at Ashfield seemed to be very taken by it all. I think the description of what some revellers were wearing captured his imagination. "Big black thongs wi trapdoors at the back fur easy access. Brilliant!!"

As the big man said, wheres the harm?

SomeGirlsWanderByMistake said...

Indeed. As the leader of Glasgow Council is a gay man, who has perhaps visited the venue, you might have supposed his colleagues would not have been such little-minded puritanical hypocrites.
'god' help us all!

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