7/29/2008

Losing The Battle!

Hello,
Much as it pains me to admit it I'm getting humped in this war. Today's attack involves the theft of a plant with red flowers (I don't know it's proper name). I presume the individual (s) responsible for this intend to continue until there is nothing left.

All was well when I checked on the plants at about 11:30 last night. The next time I checked them 10:30 am today the plant was gone. It's the thought of them sitting in their manky student flat giggling at old Bo Selecta videos, overusing the word like in like the wrong place and plotting against me that really gets my goat. Oh how I'd love to burst through their door and torture them all to death. At the very least I'd settle for catching them in the act. Then I'd slaughter them all without mercy. Harsh but fair.

There is something rather puritanical about their evident objection to beauty and apparent desire to see ugliness restored. A glance through the rubbish they dumped yesterday only serves to underline this impression. Layer upon layer of cardboard ready meal sleeves. In other words food to be eaten and prepared without any pleasure or creativity. Functional mush to fill a hole. Maybe it's nature with it's unpredictable sights, smells and textures that alarms them. Their diet certainly seems peculiarly free of any vegetable matter.

Still I'm being positive -through gritted teeth and will now spend the next few days deciding what to plant in the space left behind. I'm thinking of something bright, flamboyant and ostentatious like a passion flower, though the idea of something nasty with barbed thorns looks increasingly attractive.

Cheerio

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I share your disgust at these people.
My taste for violent, bloody and altogether uneccessary vengeance may run slightly higher than yours, but we all have our crosses to bear.

Stick a webcam somewhere to catch them in the act. Once you know who they are you can go round and jam a pineapple up their pee holes.
Problem solved! :D

Cartside said...

Or how about a hidden trap. Maybe with a pully to hoist them up in midair for everyone to see. Automatic paint "this is a pathetic flower thief" to be sprayed on them.

Clairwil said...

Anon,
They'd probably nick the webcam!

Cartside,
A degree of shame would be nice. If I catch them I might make them dress up as Sunflowers and walk the streets chanting sorry to the plants.

joe90 said...

clairwill,
maybe one of those cheap infra-red movements detector-alarms from Homebase, Woolies etc might help.

You'd have to carefully position it though, so that it covers only the garden, and not the street.

Of course these days, you can get detectors fitted to your pc with all sorts of sophisticated and cheap anti-theft anti-burglar movement/detection/recording devices.

There is even very cheapo devices that can phone up your mobile phone and transmit pictures of your house getting ransacked by thieves while you're at work, on holiday etc.

Hanging's too good for them!

all the best!

Clairwil said...

I like the idea of the alarm though I don't know if it would be suitable for the space. Mercifully they've been behaving for the last few days -news of my wrath must have reached them.

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