For reasons that are at the time of writing a complete mystery, a well intentioned person has presented me with a kit entitled 'The Best Year of Your Life' . Not being one to look a gift horse in the mouth I eagerly got it out the wrapping and poked it about a bit.
I must say I was surprised that The Best Year of Your Life involves awarding oneself 'Self- Love points. Surely they cannot be referring to the world's must popular solitary vice? Not online bingo -the one the Victorians had a bee in their bonnets about. Whilst I think devices like this are absurd, I'm slightly dubious about any system which rewards masturbation of all things. One might as well start dishing out nectar points for scratching an itch.
In addition to the opportunity to earn points for gusset typing the kit also contains 52 cards each of which have a task on them. I've glanced through them and they terrify me with their mad ideas. I cannot let go of my grudges, If I didn't have my bile I'd have nothing, I cannot forgive anyone! With the exception of religious folk I have a deep mistrust of anyone who owns a forgiving nature. Quite frankly if they think so little of themselves why should I waste my time on them?
For those preparing to muck up my comments box by sneering at my love of self-improvement -I hate you as well. People with no ambition should be dipped in acid then shot. Again I exclude religious folk from this. It's the every day arse scratching whiner that riles me with their disgraceful over-confidence. Neither use nor ornament they slouch about 'I can'ting', 'I won'ting' and 'I don'ting'. Yet they have the effrontery to imagine the world should be interested in them. Whether the cause is lax potty training, fast food or central heating I cannot say. I wouldn't mind but when one considers the horrific conditions people in some parts of the world exist in, pampered western tossers moaning their way through life in the rich bit of the world is appalling. Mummy was right you should think of the starving Africans when you turn your nose up at dinner. Mind you if people who profess to have no ambition really meant it -they'd give up their opportunities, set up home in the world's poorest country and make way for some ambitious third world individual.
Right I'm off to regenerate.