Pie Factory Terror

Hello,
I have mentioned The Digger before I'm sure but I can't seem to find the correct post to link back to. Anyway for those that don't know The Digger is a small Glasgow based magazine, well more like a fanzine really and it's wonderful, though very naughty. Unlike other fanzines it's not about music or football but crime and wrongdoing in the city of Glasgow. It's also an invaluable resource for anyone interested in the alleged links between organised crime and the Labour Party in the West Of Scotland. No stories on that front for the last few weeks but experience tells me it won't be long.

Oh and take a tip from me, should you find yourself dining with Jack and Bridget McConnell (see under The Big Conversation anti-social behaviour) , don't mention The Digger or the Lyons. Could make things awkward during the cheese course.

To return to the matter in hand, this weeks Digger contains a tale so remarkable I hardly know where to begin. Perhaps it will be easier if I just give you the facts. The action takes place in Pars Foods in Milton. Imagine the scene, all is quiet as the workers get down to a bit of pie filling when suddenly a commotion! One Ratis Hanberts is alleged to have assaulted a female colleague in the factory changing rooms, attempted to rape another, touched up a male member of staff, forced 'terrified pie -fillers to run for cover' before being pinned to the ground by the factory owner and handed over to the police.

Obviously I don't condone such behaviour but I confess there is a small part of me that admires anyone who makes their first day in a job that eventful. I mean it takes me weeks to drop the obliging facade. This guy was trying to rape all and sundry within two hours of starting his first shift. He even managed to kick and punch the factory owner in the head a couple of times before the police arrived.

As for what provoked such an extraordinary outburst who can say? I have always had my concerns about men being allowed to work with meat. It seems to have an odd effect on them. I've never known a butcher that wasn't a pervert.