A Ponder On The Nature Of Friendship

A few weeks back I got an e-mail from a reader of my blog desperate enough to ask me for help. Happily their crisis has passed and remarkably they reckon I was of some help. Before anyone starts I did ask their permission to talk about this. In any case this post is about me, more than anything else.

Anyway during the course of our correspondence they asked me how many friends I had. To which I cunningly replied define friends. They sneakily asked me how I define friends and how many people fit that description. Bah! A low score follows.

Well I hummed and hawed. I know a lot of people. I'm friendly with most of them but who is a friend? Being a big fan of the actions speak louder than words way of thinking. I set to thinking about who I could call in an awful state at five in the morning and expect to help me and arrived at the grand score of one. So I took that to mean that I have one close friend. Indeed during my own crisis earlier this week this person proved themselves in ways I couldn't have predicted. It's rather humbling when someone offers you help that will cost them dearly, really more than they can afford.

I moved on to people who would accept me (however grudgingly) as a friend no matter what I did and arrived at two.

As for the rest. They include many lovely people but are more properly described as acquaintances. That said many of them have proved themselves as decent, caring, thoughtful
people over the last week. Thanks to all of you for failing to humour me. I'm forever in your debt.

Fair weather friends really aren't worth the flesh they're made of. Time to edit the diary I think.

Bye Bye


RICH said...

nice post.... I've thought about this issue for what seems forever. Friends do seem to come and go. Fair weather friends, like you said are not worth making the effort with.

Clairwil said...

Cheers Rich,
People do come and go, more so as one gets older and moves house, changes job and so on. It also gets harder to make friends as more people get married and give up on enjoying themselves.

margin walker said...

Im a social butterfly but I have very few true friends who have stuck with me and who I value. Id hate to have a big group of mates..

Clairwil said...

Quality over quantity.

Tom Tyler said...

"It also gets harder to make friends as more people get married and give up on enjoying themselves"
- You're so right, there.
I have but one truly close (male) friend for whom I would do anything, and he knows it and holds the same true of me. We've been mates since schooldays. Other than that, there's, oh I don't know, some 10 to 15 people I often sup ale with, some regularly, some less so, but I wouldn't really call them "close" friends. Sometimes I think back to my teens/early 20's when social life was buzzing and I ask myself were did that time all go to? I still feel like a 16 year old inside in many ways, I still want to have all that loony fun in life. Yet I make 'sensible' excuses to myself, I find reasons to stop myself being who I want to be.
Work is a curse too, it knackers you, leaves you with less energy than you'd like with which to be social.

Clairwil said...

'I find reasons to stop myself being who I want to be.
Work is a curse too, it knackers you, leaves you with less energy than you'd like with which to be social.'

I've been doing that for a few years now and it's all bit killed me. For me it's not so much work as working for someone else. When I was self-employed I had a great social life and seldom found work all that tiring. There is a lesson in there somewhere.

robert said...

Congrats! glad to know that u have moved on..see dear, friends come and they go but truthful are those who keep silent but stays with u forever...hope u would enjoy ur trip to my blog :)

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