Clairwil's Cosmic Ordering Service

'And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.'
Matthew 21:22

I've been reading about this cosmic ordering lark. I must say I'm a fan. You just ask for stuff and it appears. Apparently that's how Noel Edmonds got to present Deal or no Deal. Seriously he just asked the cosmos and BOOM! TV stardom. Please visit Noel's website it is gold. The music! The music! I like Noel Edmonds actually. I very much admired his work on Swap Shop.

That is my sort of belief system. Naturally I am keen to give the whole caper a go. My needs are few so I very much doubt the cosmos would be inconvenienced much by my demands. I reckon it will be keen to oblige. As a sort of experiment who would like to join in? Go on it'll be fun. Leave your orders in the comments below and we'll keep an eye on their progress.

I'm sure most of you are sceptics. Well ponder this, last Friday I received a cheque from the people at TV licensing attached to a letter revoking my TV license. The Ill Man witnessed this, I am not making it up. My TV licence has been revoked, with no explanation. I have never been so surprised in all my life. This is nothing to do with cosmic ordering mind you. Though I do see parallels between Noel's rejection by the BBC and mine. The point I'm meandering towards is that anything is possible. Stranger things have happened. So come on, upset a bishop and place your orders.


Anonymous said...

I'd like a blowjob (from a woman!)

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see Old Knudsen naked.

I'd also like my next door neighbour come down with diptheria.

Anonymous said...

i'd like you to write a weekend open thread on PP

Clairwil said...

West Coaster,
A nice earthy wish, best of luck. Just out of interest what is your view of the place of teeth in the BJ caper?

Antie Pauline,
If I were you I'd wish for bladder control and a good home help.

I wish you'd take the trouble to think up a name, a handle something. For fucks sake it's not hard. Anyway I shall be writing this weekend's OT on PP.

Wonderful stuff. Keep the wishes coming. You can have as many as you like.

douglas clark said...


These wishes are just not enough. How about:

Universal love, peace and health.

Partick Thistle to retain the European Cup in season 2009/10

World Government next week, run by Liberty and Amnesty International

Massive lottery wins for you and me.

Extraterrestial intelligent life discovered that explains that the Universes are here to serve us all.

Bishops puzzled. "It ain't what we read in the Bible", says one.

Ill man said...

European cup? I'll settle for winning the first division this year.

douglas clark said...

ill man,

That's part of the plan!

First Division 2006/07

Premier 2007/08

European Cup 2008/09

European Cup 2009/10

It is all because some journalist was asked what would be the headline he'd most like to write. It was 'Van Basten in tears as Partick Thistle Retain European Cup'.

Got to be honest, I think this is the real test of the theories abilities. The rest are all too easy.

ill man said...

Douglas, I think if we both put it on our wish lists it could just happen. The first step anyway..... That said, the way they played last weekend, they'll be lucky not to get relegated.

Anonymous said...

Since you ask, the teeth, in my view, have no place in the BJ, caper did you say? No, the element of surprise is the greatest stimulant, for example awaking to feel a warm wet tongue lavishing ... I'm sorry, I'll have to go.

Clairwil said...

West Coaster,
I only ask because I keep hearing this tale of a woman who announces she is going to 'send you to heaven' before removing her teeth and administering what I am led to understand is a very good blow job. Curiously this is something that only ever seems to happen to 'a friend of friend'. Anyway when last heard of she was operating in the Paisley area.

St Anthony said...

Urgh! Disgusting!

so, Paisley you say..........?

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