A New Rabbit!

You can imagine my surprise and delight when I received an e-mail from the lovely people at Ann Summers alerting me to their new improved Rampant Rabbit. I must say I've yet to try the old one though I'm led to understand it's very good and the young lady pictured above looks very happy. My trusty 'Red Mermaid' has got a bit predictable and between you and me, I get the impression Mr Clairwil is jealous of it. Lord knows why, for all it's many virtues it never says anything even remotely funny and it doesn't have nice hair which puts Mr Clairwil at a distinct advantage.

Anyway, have any of my merry band of readers tried the new Rabbit? Is it any good? Should I treat myself to one? Do you have to keep taking the batteries out to stop them going done mid please? I have to say that drives me insane, the last thing one wants after a good bout of mechanical fun is to have to take the batteries out and put them somewhere safe. If any evidence were need that sexism is alive and well the battery consumption of vibrators is it. How can anything consume power when it's turned off? We can put a MAN on the moon but we can't have a bloody vibrator that understands what being OFF entails! And where is your Germaine Greer when all this is going on? That's what I want to know. Surely we could at least scorch a corset in protest.

Oh and before all you dry old sticks start banging on about solar or mains power let me stop you now. Do you honestly think I'd be foolish enough to stick anything attached to the national grid up little Clairwil and it is little, just very flexible? Good God what if there was a power surge? I knew a woman who's telly blew up as a result of a power surge. What would my poor mother say if I was exploded by a sex toy? What in God's name would they put on my gravestone? Natural causes? Faulty wiring? Pleasure?

Solar power is another no no. I live in a small tenement flat, I don't have a private garden. I'd have to position myself by the window! Tourist buses pass my house, there is a student halls of residence directly across from me. There would be an international incident or worse.

Do not even think of suggesting 'elbow grease'. I've tried Billy Connolly's trick of lying on your arm till it goes numb and it feels like someone else is doing it. Or at least that's the theory, any time I do it I lose control of my arm with really quite frustrating results.

So that's that sorted it's either batteries or clockwork.



Fat Sparrow said...

Small, rechargable massagers. Slip a condom on that puppy, and have a go.

Personally, I have no problem with electric.

ill man said...

That's a mighty fine looking piece of kit. Do they have any gents sex toys on the go or do we have to make do with the old wanking spanners?

Clairwil said...

Fat Sparrow,
'Slip a condom on that puppy'
Oh for fucks sake they don't get you pregnant do they? I couldn't bear that.

Isn't it fine. There are lots of sex toys for boys as to how good they are I can't say. Some of the more expensive vibro pussies look good to me but I'm no expert. Although the real feel tits and snatch numbers scare me.

Old Knudsen said...

The Rampant Rabbit is ok, I've had better like.

Anonymous said...

Just make sure Duracell is at the top of your Christmas wish list ;o)

David Duff said...

"What in God's name would they put on my gravestone?"


Clairwil said...

Old Knudsen,
Thanks for the tip.

How would I explain to people what I want all those batteries for?

Yes and mother's gravestone next to mine would read 'she died of shock!'

ill man said...

"How would I explain to people what I want all those batteries for?"

Your camera Clairwil, your camera...............

Neil C. said...

A weird thought: If you put the batteries in the wrong way round, would it give you intense sensations of displeasure?

Fat Sparrow said...

"Oh for fucks sake they don't get you pregnant do they? I couldn't bear that."

How do you think the world ended up with Furbies?

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