8/01/2006

Skim Reading The Herald

Hello,
I've just finished my quick daily skim reading of The Herald. A number of stories caught my eye so in the manner of that thing on News 24 when a special guest appears to chuckle at various newspapers here are my thoughts on today's stories.

Firstly I note that the Israeli cricket team are coming to Glasgow. Well my first thought was hurrah guests in our country, then I remembered something I'd seen on the news a couple of times about Israel. Then I thought wait a minute cricket.....that means they'll be visiting Pollokshields...... the heart of Glasgow's Muslim community. Oh no wait phew! They're playing at Hillhead.... Oh no sorry they are playing at Hillhead, then they're going to play at the ground in Pollokshields. Protests are planned. I have a suggestion for the Muslims of Pollokshields which I fully expect to be roundly ignored but here goes. Why not use the element of surprise against the Israelis? Instead of turning up all irate with placards which is what they'll be expecting, turn up en masse and do and say nothing. Just stand in total silence watching, just watching. The tension will be unbearable and the Israelis will be so nervous they're bound to get stuff all wrong and drop things. It's just a suggestion mind.

Next up crime news. Some knuckle dragging moron who should be put up against a wall kneed in the stones, then shot has defaced a perfectly nice cave painting of Jesus. The painting, by a Campbelltown teacher named Archiebald Mackinnon was apparently inspired by a dream he had and has sat minding it's own business in a cave on Davaar Island, harming no-one
since 1887. Until some tit decided it would be improved by drawing a commonplace image of Che Guevara over the top of it. There is something very mean spirited about vandalism of that sort and that's before one even considers the religious aspect. Can anyone enlighten me as to the point of stenciling the same mass-produced picture of Che you see everywhere over a unique piece of art? I'm baffled but then I have never claimed to understand people. Anyway naturally
the locals are very distressed by this unfortunate business and keen to see justice done.

'This work of art is as significant to the town and Kintyre as Dali's Christ of St John of the Cross in the Kelvingrove art gallery. Can you imagine the hue and cry if a similar act of desecration had been done to it? At least Scottish if not international news. Does anyone have any contacts at either BBC Scotland or ITV so that this can be publicised and a restoration appeal put into force, if necessary?'


So here is my second request of the day. If you know who did this GRASS THEM UP or alternatively beat them with a stick, I don't mind which.

Finally I shall direct you to a joke from the Herald Diary with the advice to be careful what you wish for.

Cheerio

6 comments:

David Duff said...

Thanks for the good jokes from your local fish and chip wrapper. In return, and hopefully to cheer you up as you seemed rather down the other day, I have posted another tall tale from the barrack-room which might give you a smile.

Clairwil said...

Brilliant stuff David. Have you ever thought about writing a play based on your army experiences?

ill man said...

Clairwil! Don't encourage him....

Seriously though, "Duff: The Army Years" . I'd buy it..........

Anonymous said...

Hello Clairwil, this is a message from Blog Bids to say that due to low response, I'm sadly going to be shutting the blog down. Thanks for supporting it while it lasted.

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