ARRRRGH!!!! HEALTH NAZIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello,
God is there anything more tedious than the anti-smoking mob on their hind legs. If you click the previous link you'll find they're all having a fit of the vapours because Melanie Griffiths gave her 17 year old a light. I'm not making this up. Surely the end days are upon us. I feel certain there is something in the Book of Revelations about a world where everyone overreacts to nonsense shortly before the plague descends. The sharp eyed amongst you will note that Mel is about to spark up herself, therefore it would be rude not to offer her daughter a light. Do they want the girl to grow up with no manners? I think not.

I can understand why people don't like smoking. It's unhealthy, it's irritating and it whiffs a bit. However those are just the negative points. One has to take a balanced view. It is also quite enjoyable for the smoker, shortens the amount of time one has to spend on this increasingly neurotic planet and the people who get annoyed about it are precisely the sort of people you want to annoy. Of course it's getting harder to locate unbiased information on smoking these days. You almost never hear about the advantages.

Everyone is getting so puritanical about smoking these days. I applied for a job with British American Tobacco a few years back and people were horrified. My mother was in tears, so was I when I didn't get the job because I couldn't drive. It was my dream job. I think BAT were very foolish there, the job involved encouraging pubs, clubs etc to install cigarette vending machines. Generally speaking I've always felt a bit dishonest in sales jobs but this would have involved selling a product I believe in. I love smoking. I would have walked over glass to spread the happy news about ciggies. In fact the only thing Margaret Thatcher ever did with which I wholeheartedly agreed was taking up a spot of tobacco pushing after leaving power. Does anyone know if one is allowed to advertise tobacco on the internet? I'd be honoured to be sponsored by Kensitas. In fact I regard myself as something of a goodwill ambassador for their fine tobacco products.

Perhaps it is a symptom of a decadent society that people overreact so much to self inflicted tobacco deaths. Think of all the poor bastards in the world that die against their will. Most of them are lucky to get some pampered westerner poncing about in a sweatshop produced wristband in protest at their deaths. Yet the smokers slow suicide mission is continually interrupted with unwanted advice and nagging. For the love of God they've even taken the pub off us! The pub! All I know is that anyone who spends their drinking time worrying about their health and gurning at a bit of smoke is a joyless tosser and not someone I want to drink with. It's well known that smokers die younger, the least the selfish anti-smoking gits could do is let us live out the rest of our lives as we choose.

Cheerio

P.S- A mystery prize to the first person who can tell me what the inspiration for this joke wikipedia entry is?

P.P.S - Tomorrow I have something even more vomit inducing than The Darbyshires for you.........