7/30/2006

I Really Don't Like Anyone........

Hello,
Sorry for the lack of activity but I've been trying to do some homework for my writing class. Being an essentially self indulgent character I find it very hard to write about things that do not hold any interest for me, in this case the topic is family. In fairness I have managed to write 'I wish they'd shut up' on a bit of paper but the piece is intended to be 300 words long.

You will also be astonished to learn that I hate most of my classmates. Honestly they're either like over confident Big Brother contestants (thick and trendy) or menopausal showboats. What is it with ladies of a certain age and their competitive approach to evening classes? Any time I sign up for one of these things there are at least two old bats banging on about how many classes they attend and how wonderful they are. I long to turn round and and say 'all well and good mummy but my vagina is tighter, my arse is smaller, your children hate you and you'll be dead before I am'. Obviously I don't, because that would be rude but it is only a matter of time before I'm pushed too far.

If I'm honest I think I'm just jealous of their confidence. Try as I might I can't seem to summon up the courage to bang on about how marvellous I am. I don't know why, as all modesty does is allow loud mouthed idiots to hog the spotlight whilst I sit there thinking 'why does no-one tell them to shut up? Is everyone mad?'. In my experience it is boasting and pushiness that help one get on in life, not talent.

Right I'm off to raid my parents fridge and play with the cat.

Cheerio

P.S I am having something of an early thirties crisis. It was quite sudden but I realised that my life is in fact pointless. Can any of you wise old owls give me any tips on getting over this and making the best of things?

11 comments:

sonia said...

hmm doesn't suprise me at all. writing classes tend to be full of annoying folks!

what's always annoyed me is that for some reason so many publishers and book agents are willing to believe if you've been to a writing class you're somehow more into your writing than if you'd been scribbling away on the back of an envelope and couldn't deal with the thought of aforementioned annoying folks..

p.s. sorry not much advice to give - i seem to be in a bit of an existential crisis myself! must be in the air or sth..

ill man said...

Not sure how much help this is, but a wise man was once asked if he was 'happy'. He replied, "Of course not. Do you think I'm an idiot?"

Pisces Iscariot said...

Just get over it and make the best of things.

Norbert Trouser-Quandary said...

Read great books and listen to Mahler. It doesn't make you any happier, just makes things seem more interesting.

Happiness is overrated anyway.

Make up a family, or something. Say you were brought up by a brace of psycho-badgers living in a semi-detatched aeroplane hanger in Droitwich, living on marmalade sandwiches and doing the Times crossword by the light of glow worms - the rest of the group will probably make it all up too anyway. I would.

Moggy said...

Sounds like you have more sense than your classmates, as they haven't realised life is pointless and therefore that shows superior intelligence on your part...

There is always drink of course - which amongst it's other uplifting properties enables you to cure all the worlds problems (and your own) when in the company of like minded people of similar intelligence to ones own!

Universal Soldier said...

If I ever feel the need to see a a psychiatrist then I'll be looking to one of the previous four commenteers for advice - top work fellas.

As for the annoying thing I go through spells where every single person I see I want to punch in the mouth - their mere presence offends me - fortunately I'm quite restrained.

David Duff said...

Well, there is one small point to your life - we all enjoy your blog!

OK, OK, it's not much, I know, but it's a beginning, little acorns and great oaks and all that.

Oh, and ditch that writing class! Creative writing can't be taught, it's a 'doing' thing. So just write it for yourself. I wrote a play once and sent it to every theatre in the country. I could paper the toilet with the rejection slips - but what do they know?

ill man said...

Yeah, not exactly the most uplifting notion in the world US. It's a great way of answering what can often be a deeply annoying question though...........

Clairwil said...

kThank-you everyone!
I think until I find a means of being self employed again, the odd crisis is inevitable.

David,
I'm not doing a creative writing class, though I'm not sure my classmates are aware of this. It's a very business-like, course about getting maximum money for writing articles for magazines and the like. Sorry to hear about the play. I'd give it another go if I were you.

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