7/10/2006

Caught By The Fuzz!

Hello,
Sorry again for the lack of posts but I've been busy having what I believe is called an 'episode'. There I was on Friday sipping a fine Chilean Merlot, listening to Bizet's Carmen and merrily writing a superb blog post when disaster struck. Blogger deleted what I believe may have been the finest thing I've ever written. I can only conclude that this was the straw that broke the camels back because within hours an 'anonymous caller' or a nosy grassing cow as I prefer to call them had telephoned the police to report my behaviour!

It's quite hard to explain what happened next but by about five in the morning I was pacing the floor, windows wide to the world listening to a Maria Callas album when on impulse I tossed a wine bottle out the window. It hit the ground with a satisfying smash and I lay back happily on the couch. Within about half an hour the police were at my door. Well as I'm sure you are aware I come from a good family and I'm happy to say we've done our best to avoid coming to the attention of the authorities. I'd be a useless criminal. I was affronted.

I'm pleased to say the police were very nice about the whole thing. They immediately realised I wasn't a real criminal which left them problem of what to do with me. After some discussion they whisked me off to hospital and now as well being on the happy pills, it would appear that I am now care in the community. Well that is to say I have a community psychiatric nurse! I'm also off work as well, having got to my lunch break before feeling a bit 'temperamental' again. I didn't throw anything this time. As pleasant as the police were I'd prefer not to see them again.

After leaving work today I took myself off to the pictures to cheer myself up and went to see Thank You For Smoking. If you'll take some advice from a mere mentalist then go and see this film. I was in serious pain from laughing so hard and feel tons better as a result. That's all for now.

Cheerio

15 comments:

ill man said...

Wow!

I don't know what else to say.

Hope yr feeling a bit better.

Clairwil said...

In two years time we shall be laughing like drains about the 'bottle incident'.

Sunny said...

Whoa! That's quite funny... I think I'm more relieved the bottle didn't hit anyone on the head (or did you deliberately make sure?).... and the police didn't get you for GBH.

Clairwil said...

Yes with hindsight it is quite funny, though it really wasn't at the time. I was convinced I was going be locked up. Worse still the police wanted to contact my family! God nooooo! I'm afraid I didn't check to see if anyone was about but I'm happy to say no-one was injured.

Anonymous said...

This is exactly why this country is going to the dogs. I don't feel as if you've learnt any kind of lesson from this experience and may well embark on a career of bottle throwing. The police in my day would have turned up at your door, beat the shit out of you, planted some "A" class drugs and got you sent down for several years. Any Irish family connections, then it's life for you my boy (or girl). Ok, a tad harsh but you'd never do it again.

Billy said...

Whoa! I can remember finishing a bottle of wine and considering chucking it out of the window. Lucky I didn't.

When we moved it to our flat our neighbour on the ground floor mentioned the previous people dropping cigarette ash out of the window. Not cigarette butts, just the ash.

God knows how he would've reacted to a wine bottle.

Steve55 said...

Well, as a man who used to pee in his next-door neighbour's garden when pissed I can hardly say anything.

Still, I hope you get to feeling right as rain as soon as possible.

Anonymous said...

This begs the question, how did they know it was you ? Your neighbour must have been watching you all night. Stalker alert !

Anonymous said...

Oi!! I hate to get precious over a name but I'M 'anonymous'. Please don't be so lazy and choose your own name.

Anonymous said...

I'm Spartacus !

Arnott Mildew said...

Nah, your anonymous. Sparticaus is on a caravan holiday in the lake District with his mum.

Clairwil said...

Good God!
This is as bad as that time that everyone thought they were David Duff!

Binty McShae said...

Thank You For Smoking is an excellent film - saw it last night!

As for blogger deleting stuff, it's always - always! - the best thing you have ever written that goes down the tube... I can vouch for that - http://averagetosser.blogspot.com/2006/02/my-weak-end.html

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