3/04/2006

Glasgow- The City That Cannot Mind It's Own Business.


Hello,

As I've mentioned previously I have taken up snapping things with my digital camera as a hobby. It's as harmless as any of my whims. However it has had the negative consequence of attracting unwanted attention.

The man on in the street in Glasgow is a simple being and as such is very easily confused. There I was taking a picture when out of the corner of my eye I became aware of something hurtling towards me, as the thing attached itself to me I realised that it was a ned. It took some effort to disentangle myself whilst the ridiculous creature demanded to know where I was from ("fae"). I said Glasgow, he didn't believe me and asked if I was from Edinburgh. I said yes and he kindly offered to show me round the city. Naturally I declined but he still wouldn't piss off asking more and more ridiculous questions about what I was doing. I only got way after asking him if I was under arrest and telling him that I wouldn't be answering any more questions without a lawyer present. That flummoxed him, he walked off shaking his head muttering "ah'm no a polis".

Then today I was minding my own business taking a few snaps when some ancient drunk appears and the following exchange takes place.....

Drunk- Are you David Bailey?
Me- Yes
Drunk- pffff, no yer no
Me- Ok
Drunk- Fucking David Bailey
Me- Is that a question?
Drunk- hnhnhnhn

Later I attracted the attention of a group of fat middle aged she bores and this happened....

Chief She Bore- Is that you taking pictures of all the talent?
Me- It was a pigeon.
She Bore Two- Would you take a picture of all of us?
Me Certainly
The She Bores then arrange themselves in a series of wacky poses whilst my thoughts turn to murder.
Chief She Bore- Are you a student? An art student? A photography student?
Me- Yes ha, ha.

They were the worst of the three. A menopausal Sex In The City. Just before they accosted me the loudest one was roaring on about being 'women at a certain stage in life' and saying she was just going to 'get out there and grab it'. Oh how I wanted to grab that one's throat and squeeze it. Honestly you'd think they'd never been outside Paisley before, the way they were carrying on. 'Glasgow's just so different from Paisley', 'The men here are great'.

Sadly I accidentally deleted their photo and lost their e-mail address when I walked round the corner.

So another day ends and I go back to dreaming about the world where everyone simply minds their own business.

Cheerio

Snaps

7 comments:

Head Apollo said...

That reminds me of comedian Frankie Boyle pointing out a table of ladies and saying, "it's like Sex and the City".

[Roaring drunken jeers.]

"If the city was Arbroath."

Or whatever comedically crap city you want to name.

ill man said...

Sometimes feel a bit of a charlie snapping stuff in the street, but i've yet to be hassled by fuds about it.

Aine said...

Ah Clairwil. You do make me laugh. :D

Clairwil said...

Yet to be hassled Ill Man- Oh just you wait.....

ill man said...

I now go nowhere without the camera. I always see something and regret not having it with me.

I think people either reckon i'm a tourist or a fucking weirdo and just leave me alone.

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