Chickens

Hello,
Being irrationally sentimental about animals I tuned in with interest to Jamie Oliver's chicken killing show last night. I freely admit to crying like a baby when the poor chicks copped it. I was going to blog about it last night but I thought I'd sleep on it to see if my murderous feelings towards an audience member had subsided but they haven't.

It was during the first part of the programme about eggs. Jamie asked some grotesque fat woman if the audience if she would consider buying free range eggs or barn eggs rather than battery farmed eggs having seen how awful conditions are in battery farms. To which she responded no because they were too expensive and lots of people don't have money. When Jamie, who is too nice to deal with the public got a bit daring and accused her of being too stingy to spring an extra 7p a box for a more decently produced egg she remained unmoved. Why does Channel Four never ask me to do these things? Whilst Jamie just left it there I wouldn't have. I would have asked that given she is clinically obese would she not consider buying free range and eating less eggs? If she'd still said no. I would have asked her if she'd be willing to to torture and kill chickens for 7p a go? If she'd said yes I'd have got her to do it live in the studio then reported her for animal cruelty. If she'd said no I'd have called her a big fat revolting hypocrite and spent the rest of the programme making her the (vast) butt of my jokes and catty asides.

To be fair to fatty at least she was honest about not caring a jot about animal welfare. I am confident that the chicken killing in the programme will generate loads of complaints from morons that think they eat magic chickens that flutter onto their plate without any of that awful slaughterhouse business.

This food poverty crap that keeps coming up whenever any issue regarding food is debated really gets my goat. If food was too expensive the poor would be skin and bone and the rich would be as fat as houses. It would also be impossible for me to make healthy meals for 50p a head but it isn't. There's a lot of debate about poverty in Britain but the one thing we do not have is food poverty. Cultural and educational poverty certainly but no-one is too poor to eat. In the context of the chicken welfare debate it is perfectly possible even on the tightest budget to avoid eating ill-treated chicken and eggs which have spent too long lying in excrement and urine to be edible in my opinion. All you need to do is reject the absurd consumerist idea that not getting what you want at every second of every day means you are deprived. Eat less chicken and eggs and buy free range only. Not only are you being kind to the chickens and getting tastier eggs and meat but they'll feel like even more of a treat when you do get them. Embrace anticipation! Look forward to things!

Cheerio

2000 Chickens on the Loose!

Hello,
I love chickens. They cluck, peck, hop and have feathers what's not to love? So imagine my delight when news reached my ears of two thousand of the birds loose on the motorway. Hurrah!

The lorry carrying the chickens jack-knifed, their cages burst and the birds made a bold bid for freedom. Unfortunately the authorities got involved and spoiled things as per bloody usual. The poor chickens were having a whale of a time racing about until some grassing bore called the police.

Then it all gets utterly predictable, the police brought in specialist chicken handlers and vets, the chickens were rounded up and the motorway was restored to a concrete stretch of ill tempered drivers sweating to Radio 2.

Obviously if I were in charge I would have allowed the chickens to take it over. They're animals and though wonderful are not terribly bright. The drivers claim to be human and though I have my suspicions there is no evidence to suggest otherwise, surely they could have found alternative routes and left the chickens alone. The chickens were not to blame -why should they be penalised?

Cheerio