Hello,
The disease of writing intriguing headlines and then popping a really dull story underneath it seems to have spread from Take A Break magazine to the broadsheets. Quite why this might be I cannot say but there it is -The Guardian is turning into Chat with politics which surely means the end is nigh.
With that in mind, if you hear hooves, assume it's the four horsemen of the apocalypse and say something nice to God. I have no idea whether the blighter exists or not but with stuff like this on the loose I intend to play it safe. Believe me when that fifth trumpet sounds in 2012 I do not intend to one of the billions who will die.
Anyway there I was perusing The Guardian when I chanced upon a jolly headline: 'Shanghai's older residents turn to drugs'. Immediately visions of Chinese grannies blowing their children's inheritance on coke and toyboys leapt into my minds eye. Reading the article was like being shoved under a cold shower in a mouldy bathroom by a teacher with halitosis.
Sadly the pensioners aren't having a very good time. It's all rather depressing, the poor old timers are at a bit of a loose end and feeling lonely post retirement. Instead of taking up disco dancing and inappropriate public sex tricks to perk themselves up they're taking drugs to keep them awake during marathon mahjong sessions and developing all sorts of health problems. All I wanted was a chucklesome tale of geriatric anarchy and decadence and instead had this thin gruel ladled on to my plate. A swindle. A bum deal! Can anyone direct me to something uplifting and amusing? Restore my faith in human naughtiness.
Cheers
Showing posts with label boredom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boredom. Show all posts
2/11/2010
8/31/2008
Impotent, Corrupt and Puritanical!
Hello,
I must admit I am somewhat snobbish about my fellow Glaswegians. The best of them are marvellous sorts with a fine line in pub banter but awfully puritanical about sex. The worst are puritanical about everything except violence.
For a creature as self indulgent as I am, one can either be painfully suppressed or divvy the world up into little sub sections each with it's own rules. The wrong thing is fine by me in the right place. Hence why I am amused but riled at the police breaking up a big gay orgy in The Arches.
To give you all some background I strutted into a student union at fifteen, plonked my arse down glanced to my right only to see a couple of weighty goths going at it doggy style in the corner. Since then clubbing has been a terrible disappointment to me. The furtive drug use and omnipresent 'bouncers' enforcing absurd licencing laws have conspired to produce little more than chemically enhanced school discos without the fabulous uninhibited dancing. I rather fancy impromptu orgies in nightclubs. Let's face it it's nothing we don't do behind the chippy afterwards.
For me the whole public shagging thing is a question of appropriateness. Shagging by the 'pick n' mix' in woolies is wrong, shagging in a nightclub on a men only gay night for over twenty fives is harmless sport and arguably a rational response to the promise of sex used in the marketing of the evening. Rather that than a hullabaloo on the nightbus or worse the hijacking of the public lavs.
I am led to understand the folk on the Glasgow City Council licensing board have no moral qualms about accepting bribes but are most upset by shagging between consenting adults on licensed premises. Presumably because the thought of folk enjoying themselves doing something untaxable represents obscenity to them. Perhaps if a a few 'public rumpo outreach officers' positions could be created for Labour cronies they might leave the orgy in peace. I suppose we should be grateful women weren't involved otherwise Jim Coleman would have spunked our council tax cash on another report from his pet Carrie Nation wannabe Bindel.
Never mind that we are Europe's most violent city, never mind that a substantial percentage of our population is too frightened to go out after dark, never mind the appalling rates of illiteracy, never mind the gang culture. As long as our licensed premises remain smoke free, sex free and joy free we'll look like we're effective. All I ask for is an environment folk can run wild in without startling the horses. That shouldn't be beyond the reach of even an uncivilised city run by Labour halfwits.
Cheerio
I must admit I am somewhat snobbish about my fellow Glaswegians. The best of them are marvellous sorts with a fine line in pub banter but awfully puritanical about sex. The worst are puritanical about everything except violence.
For a creature as self indulgent as I am, one can either be painfully suppressed or divvy the world up into little sub sections each with it's own rules. The wrong thing is fine by me in the right place. Hence why I am amused but riled at the police breaking up a big gay orgy in The Arches.
To give you all some background I strutted into a student union at fifteen, plonked my arse down glanced to my right only to see a couple of weighty goths going at it doggy style in the corner. Since then clubbing has been a terrible disappointment to me. The furtive drug use and omnipresent 'bouncers' enforcing absurd licencing laws have conspired to produce little more than chemically enhanced school discos without the fabulous uninhibited dancing. I rather fancy impromptu orgies in nightclubs. Let's face it it's nothing we don't do behind the chippy afterwards.
For me the whole public shagging thing is a question of appropriateness. Shagging by the 'pick n' mix' in woolies is wrong, shagging in a nightclub on a men only gay night for over twenty fives is harmless sport and arguably a rational response to the promise of sex used in the marketing of the evening. Rather that than a hullabaloo on the nightbus or worse the hijacking of the public lavs.
I am led to understand the folk on the Glasgow City Council licensing board have no moral qualms about accepting bribes but are most upset by shagging between consenting adults on licensed premises. Presumably because the thought of folk enjoying themselves doing something untaxable represents obscenity to them. Perhaps if a a few 'public rumpo outreach officers' positions could be created for Labour cronies they might leave the orgy in peace. I suppose we should be grateful women weren't involved otherwise Jim Coleman would have spunked our council tax cash on another report from his pet Carrie Nation wannabe Bindel.
Never mind that we are Europe's most violent city, never mind that a substantial percentage of our population is too frightened to go out after dark, never mind the appalling rates of illiteracy, never mind the gang culture. As long as our licensed premises remain smoke free, sex free and joy free we'll look like we're effective. All I ask for is an environment folk can run wild in without startling the horses. That shouldn't be beyond the reach of even an uncivilised city run by Labour halfwits.
Cheerio
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