All I Wanted Was An Irn Bru

Hello,
I was skipping along Stockwell Street earlier today full of the joys of late summer/early autumn when I had a sudden craving for some Irn Bru. Realising I needed a few other messages I nipped over to the nearest shop; my local Tesco. Only to be thwarted. All I wanted was my messages.

This is the second time this has happened. The bloody 'Boycott Israel' folk were out protesting. Normally I'd just swan by such a minor inconvenience but I know one of them and could not be arsed having to explain myself over the whole Israel/Palestine business. He's always been pleasant to me but he was very unpleasant to a Muslim friend of mine who is rather more sympathetic to Israel than he felt she should be given her background.

I have had never had a conversation with anyone pro-Palestinian over the big ding dong without being subjected to amazing facts like Israel was founded after the second world war and then a forty minute whine about how they got the location all wrong. What is it they want me to do? Perfect the art of time travel and put it somewhere else? No. Boycott Tesco apparently. Jesus wept.

It's not that I don't feel sorry for the Palestinians. I do. Poor sods stuck behind that wall and 80% of your supporters worldwide being a shower of hectoring cunts . It can't be easy. How the Palestinians hearts must sink to the ground when they hear about all the support that's out there for them and realise it comes from the world's most po faced and argumentative dullards with wallpapering tables. Palestine -the unlucky Alf of oppressed nations.

Anyway back to me I avoided Tesco and nipped into Marks and Spencer instead. It was only when I got home I realised the coriander I'd purchased on a whim was Israeli. Had the Boycott Israel types let me into the wee Tesco I'd never have laid eyes on anything as exotic as fresh herbs. Instead I'd have got my Scottish Irn Bru, a British paper, a bottle of Chilean wine and skipped off up the road with not a penny going to Israel.

Not I hasten to add that I have the smallest intention of boycotting Israel. If I thought it would bring about a solution to the dispute I'd be manning the wallpaper table and roaring for a boycott. Sorry call me an evil zionist but I can't see the merit in economically ruining a country surrounded by nations that want to wipe it off the map for having a heavy handed and counterproductive defence policy.

I don't remember anyone calling for a mass boycott of British goods during the troubles in protest at our often disgraceful behaviour on that contested bit of land. Nor do I see any calls to boycott The Czech Republic for it's treatment of the Roma people or Saudi Arabia for their treatment of women and Shia Muslims or Sudan for their treatment of women or Afghanistan for their treatment of women or Turkey for it's corrupt police force and treatment of the Kurds or Japan for executing mentally ill criminals or Tunisia for torture or Uzbekistan for human rights abuses or Zimbabwe for everything or....well I could go on but I won't so feel free to add your own.

Cheerio